When you hear the word “etiquette” what comes to mind? Something about keeping elbows off the table or addressing people with “sir” or “ma’am” right? While these specific rules might be outdated, treating people well doesn’t have to be!
Etiquette isn’t about being stuffy or overly formal; it’s about being polite, considerate, and respectful.
This article comes with a disclaimer: what is considered polite varies greatly between generations and cultures. The same action might be acceptable in some places but be horribly offensive in others. This list was compiled with the cultural norms of the United States in mind, and won’t apply to all corners of the globe.
Remember the Fashion “5-Second Rule”
The “5-Second Rule” when commenting on someone’s appearance is simple; only make a comment on someone’s appearance if it’s easily fixable in 5 seconds or less.
Pointing out someone’s unbuttoned pants, the spinach in their teeth, or untied shoes are always appreciated comments. For anything more permanent (weight, hairstyle, acne, etc.) it’s probably best to keep those thoughts to yourself.
Stack Dirty Restaurant Plates
At the end of a meal, make the waitstaff’s life a little easier by neatly stacking your dirty dishes into a pile. It makes them easier to carry away, and it only takes a few seconds of your time.
In addition to being helpful, it can be fun to make the dirty dish pile, in a reverse-jenga-tower sort of way.
Don’t Discuss Events in Front of Someone Who Wasn’t Invited
It’s a crushing moment in a coming-of-age movie for a reason. No matter how reasonable the circumstances are, finding out your friends are hanging out without you can be difficult. Sometimes it’s for the best to save your friends that pain by waiting until they’ve left to discuss events they weren’t invited to.
Try to Show Up on Time
Parties or group hangs are one thing, but for one-on-one meetings, nobody likes waiting around. We get it; life happens. Sometimes things outside of your control keep you from getting to your destination on time. But chronic lateness gets old extremely quickly. Be considerate of your friends and do your best to show up at the agreed-upon time.
Keep Hands Off of Strangers
Every woman’s been there. You’re minding your business in a crowded room and suddenly you feel a stranger’s hand on the small of your back and a muttered “Excuse me”. Yes, it can be difficult to navigate a crowd but that doesn’t give anyone license to touch strangers as you pass. It’s just awkward and invasive. Unless that’s a significant other, it’s best to keep your hands to yourself.
If You Have to Cancel Plans, Do it Respectfully
Life happens, and sometimes there’s no choice but to cancel plans at the last second. Whether it be a family emergency, a work emergency, or you simply don’t have the energy, there’s a respectful and disrespectful way to let your friends know your plans have changed.
If you have to cancel plans, try to do it at least a day in advance. This gives your friend a chance to make other arrangements.
Life can get hectic, but a little heads-up goes a long way. The more notice you give, the more grace they’re likely to have about the last-minute change.
Don’t Forget to Tip the Waitstaff
Yes, restaurants should pay their staff a livable wage. No, it shouldn’t be on the customer to subsidize their low wages. But at the end of the day, many service industry workers rely on tips, and in the United States, tipping 20% at restaurants, for delivery drivers, bartenders, etc., is customary. Unless the service was terrible, a tip is expected.
Keep Work and Social Media Separate
Work life and personal life shouldn’t overlap. Of course, this is up to everyone’s personal comfort level, but digital footprints are real. Bosses don’t need to see everything their employees do in their spare time.
Maintain a clear line between your work and personal life on social media. It saves everyone from unnecessary drama and keeps your private life private.
Keep Phone Tucked Away During Conversations
Call me old-fashioned, but texting – or worse, mindlessly scrolling – while in the middle of a conversation feels incredibly disrespectful. Unless it’s an emergency, it can probably wait.
Even if you can focus on the conversation and your phone at the same time, the person speaking may not know that. Staying off of your phone for the conversation shows that the friendship is more important than your feed.
Always Wear Headphones in Public
There’s no reason to be blasting TikToks on the bus at 8:00 in the morning. In shared spaces, we should all be mindful of everyone else who is affected by our actions. Please consider doing your fellow riders a favor and either put on some headphones or silence your phone.
Respect Others’ Privacy When Filming in Public
The general rule of thumb is that it’s okay to accidentally capture someone in the background of a photo, but intentionally filming strangers without their knowledge or consent is invasive.
Warn When on Speakerphone
Let people know when they’re on speakerphone. There are some things that you just can’t say in front of everybody, but a quick “Hey, just so you know, you’re on speakerphone” is a perfect warning. It’s a small courtesy that can save them from saying something potentially embarrassing.
Keep Phones Away During a Movie
Texting and taking photos during a movie is incredibly distracting, and can ruin the movie theater experience for others. No matter how quiet or dim your phone is, those around you can almost always see it. Unless there’s an emergency, keep your phone tucked away and just enjoy the show.
Remember “Concert Etiquette”
Every experienced concertgoer has heard the age-old phrase, “Excuse me, my friend is at the front”. 9 times out of 10, it’s a tired ploy to get to the front row.
In general admission shows, if you can get past someone without tricking them or physically pushing past them, that spot is fair game. But if you need to lie or shove your way to the front, don’t be surprised if people around you are glaring at you for the rest of the show.
RSVP ASAP
For events that require planning, like weddings or graduation parties, RSVP as soon as you can. Event planning is difficult enough without having to make wild guesses as to how many people you need to accommodate. Plus, nobody wants to chase their loved ones down for a response.
Wearing White at Someone Else’s Wedding is Taboo
By now we should all know that wearing white to someone else’s wedding is a cardinal sin.
While the details may be up for debate (Is cream a shade of white? Can you wear a dress with white flowers?) it’s safest to stay away from that color altogether.
If not out of politeness, do it for your own sake. Some bridesmaids are tasked with “accidentally” spilling red wine on anyone who dares to wear white to a wedding. Save yourself a trip to a dry cleaner and pick a different color.
Don’t Intentionally Spoil Movies or TV Shows
Intentionally giving spoilers can ruin movies or TV shows for others.
In person, it’s easy to ask, “Have you seen ____ yet?” before you talk about potential spoilers, but online, it’s more of a gray area. Try to use spoiler warnings online or wait a few weeks after the release date before discussing major plot points.
No Vaping in Confined Public Spaces
Vaping, a popular alternative to traditional smoking, has become quite a trend in recent years. However, just because it’s less harmful than smoking doesn’t mean it’s acceptable everywhere. Vaping in enclosed spaces can be unpleasant for others. What might be a pleasant flavor to you can be an irritant or allergen to someone else.
When Walking as a Group, Don’t Hog Sidewalks
We’ve all been there, strolling down the sidewalk and suddenly encountering a group of people taking up the entire walking path, leaving you with no choice but to step off onto the road or awkwardly squeeze past. This common sidewalk etiquette breach can be frustrating for both pedestrians and those in the group.
It’s a simple courtesy to remember that sidewalks are shared public spaces, and it’s important to be mindful of other pedestrians. Walking in a single-file line or arranging yourselves in a way that allows others to pass easily shows consideration for fellow walkers.
Keep Your Dog on a Leash
Keep your dog on a leash, even if they’re friendly. Not every dog is friendly, and not all humans want to be approached by dogs they don’t know.
Grabbing a leash before heading outside reduces the risk that your dog will run up to a human with a dog phobia, a reactive dog, or a car.
Clean Up After Your Dog
Carry doggie bags to pick up after your furry friend. Leaving it behind, especially on a sidewalk or someone’s lawn, is incredibly rude. The last thing anyone wants is to accidentally step into a dog’s mess.
Be the ‘Connector Friend’
Picture it: you’re at a party and it’s time to introduce two of your good friends for the first time. As the “connector friend” help break the ice and introduce them! It’s less awkward when mutual friends do the introductions than when they’re left to introduce themselves. Part of being a good host is making introductions for guests who don’t know each other yet.
Always Be Kind to Service Workers
Service people are just doing their jobs. Cashiers, servers, and call center employees don’t set prices or policies, and most likely have no control over the situation. Be kind. Don’t take your frustrations out on them.
Wait Your Turn in Line
Whether you’re at the grocery store, a theme park, or even waiting for your morning coffee, lines are a part of everyday life. Cutting in line, however, is a clear violation of social norms and etiquette. It’s a matter of respecting the first-come, first-served principle. All lines end eventually, just have patience.
Wait For Your Turn to De-Plane
When the plane lands, don’t rush to the front before the doors have even opened. Wait your turn when deplaning; rushing only adds unnecessary stress to everyone. It always takes several minutes before the doors open, anyway.
Keep Your Shoes On During Flights
Planes are already uncomfortable. The seats are too cramped, there’s nowhere to stretch your legs, and it’s difficult to sleep on long-haul flights. But there’s no reason to make it worse for everyone.
Please, please wait until you’ve arrived at your destination to take off your shoes and – god forbid – your socks. There’s not much ventilation in planes and no one wants to be forced to smell another person’s feet for hours.
Respect Local Customs and Etiquette Rules
As stated at the beginning of this article, etiquette is nothing but social norms. Everything that we consider polite is relative and informed by the country and culture we grow up in. There’s no “universal etiquette” that works everywhere.
So, when you’re in a new place, take the time to learn and respect the local customs. In the new country, their cultural norms are the ones to abide by.
Don’t Let Someone’s Story Get Interrupted
No one appreciates being interrupted. Sometimes accidental or circumstantial interruptions happen; it’s not the end of the world. But the friend who turns the conversation back to the original speaker with a simple “Wait, you were saying?” is universally adored.
Check In on Your “Low-Maintenance Friends”
Check in on your friends. Even if someone appears low-maintenance, it doesn’t hurt to reach out and show you care. A low-maintenance friendship can turn into a one-sided friendship extremely easily. If they are usually the one making plans, try reaching out first every now and then.
Wipe Down Gym Equipment
Gym etiquette states that, after a workout, wipe your sweat off your machine, floor mat, weights, and anything else that might’ve gotten dirty. Even if you think you didn’t sweat “that much” it’s still a good idea to limit how many germs are circling around the weight room.
Don’t Leave Changing Rooms a Mess
After all the clothes have been tried on, take a few seconds to hang the rejected clothing back on their hangers. There’s no need to leave the changing room spotless, but just putting the clothes back on their hangers makes retail employees’ lives significantly easier. Taking the clothes to the go-back hanger outside the fitting room is even better.
Respect Who Has Priority Seating
When public transit has limited seating, elderly, pregnant, and disabled people have priority. It’s common courtesy to offer up your own seat when someone who might need it more comes along.
One thing to keep in mind, however, is that some people have invisible disabilities. Even if somebody looks like they don’t “deserve” their priority spot, there may be circumstances that make standing difficult for that person. Rather than policing others into giving up their seats, offer up yours if you can.
Say “Excuse Me” When You Bump Into Someone
Bumping into others is something that we’re all guilty of, especially in crowded settings. Accidents happen, and it doesn’t have to be a big deal.
That said, when accidents do happen, saying “Excuse me” “I’m sorry” or even “My bad” can go a long way to ease tension in these situations.
Make Sure Everyone Can See When Passing Around a Phone
If you’re showing photos or videos on your phone to a group, make sure everyone gets a chance to see it. This is a social slight on par with talking about events in front of someone who isn’t invited, or exclusively speaking in inside jokes in front of someone who won’t get it. It alienates people and makes them feel like an outsider.
No one wants to feel excluded from a group, and while this may seem like an insignificant moment, it says that they’re a less-valued group member.
Get All the Camera Angles
If you’re taking photos, put in a little effort to get the best shots for your friends. If they took the time to get a variety of angles for your photos, make sure you’re returning the favor. It shows you care about their memories.
You don’t know much about photography? That’s okay! Just try your best or ask what kind of photos your friend wants.
Send Group Photo Promptly
Having the highest quality camera in a group can be a double-edged sword. On one hand, all your group photos look adorable. On the other hand, you’re automatically tasked with taking and sending said photos.
Asking for the group photos can feel like asking a friend to pay you back. It’s much more awkward than it should be, especially if you’re constantly met with “I’ll do it later” responses.
The easiest way to avoid the pesky photo chase is just to send the photos as soon as you possibly can, ideally within 24 hours.
Pay Your Friends Back
There’s an entire Rihanna song about this.
No one wants to have to chase down their friends for money. It’s uncomfortable, especially if someone is on a strict budget. Don’t make your friends chase you down for money you owe them.
If you owe someone, pay them back with urgency, especially for larger amounts. If promises were made to Venmo someone back, Venmo them back.
Discuss Bill Splitting Before Ordering
To split the check or not to split the check? This is a question that has caused countless arguments and even ended a few friendships.
One side of the argument says that splitting costs evenly requires the least amount of math and is the simplest solution. But the other side argues that if one person ordered steak and lobster while the other got a Caesar salad, why should everyone pay evenly when they didn’t rack up equal bills?
How to divide the bill is extremely situational and depends on personal attitudes, budgets, and how many days are left until payday. Everyone has different views on this topic so it’s best to make sure all diners are on the same page.
Our advice? Have a conversation about check splitting before food is ordered to avoid any last-minute surprises.
Make Room for Newcomers
Have you ever been the person standing just outside the main group at a party? It’s almost physically painful. For most people, it conjures up childhood feelings of being ignored or left out. Once you notice the newcomer, make a little room for them. It’s a small gesture that can make them feel welcomed and comfortable.
Communicate Changes in Plans
This might be a niche piece of advice, but if one-on-one plans turn into group plans, let your original friend know. If I made plans to hang out with you, I made plans to hang out with you. If something happens and it suddenly becomes a group hang, that’s fine, just let me know first! Don’t let your friend walk into a group situation unprepared.
Wait for Friends to Get Inside Safely
When dropping friends off at home after a night out, wait for them to be fully inside their home before driving off.
Call it paranoia if you want, but walking home at night can be spooky, especially if someone has watched too many true crime documentaries recently. If you wait for just 30 seconds you can be sure your friend got home safely.
Waiting for them to be safely inside before you leave is a simple gesture that can give you both peace of mind.
Wait While They Tie Their Shoes
If someone you’re walking with needs to stop and tie a shoe, stop with them!
It may seem small, but no one appreciates being left behind. Getting abandoned, even temporarily, makes it seem that your friends don’t care about you. Waiting for your friends only takes a minute and shows you care about their presence.
Don’t Gatekeep Fashion
Have you ever complimented someone on their outfit and immediately wondered where they bought it? Well, if you’re the person receiving the compliment, don’t keep cute outfit secrets to yourself. If someone asks, share where you got it. Fashion should be fun and accessible for all. After all, what’s the point in gatekeeping a cute outfit?
Don’t Abandon Friends at Parties
Every introvert has had the bone-chilling nightmare of being abandoned at a party by their extrovert friend. If you bring an introverted friend to a social gathering, don’t abandon them. They don’t need a babysitter, but consider helping them ease into the group by making introductions or letting them hide with the family pet in a quiet corner.
Return the Shopping Cart
Returning the shopping cart is a fast, simple, and free way to make people’s lives easier, so why not do it? Leaving them in the parking lot doesn’t actually create more jobs, it just gives an already underpaid worker an extra side-task. Returning your own shopping cart is just a simple way to make life a little bit easier for others.
Avoid One-Sided Conversations
It can be easy to steamroll over a conversation when you’re really excited about a topic. Pay attention to your conversations and make sure they’re not one-sided. Are they asking follow-up questions? Or are you getting noncommittal “uh huh’s”?
If it’s the latter, your conversation might have become too one-sided.
If you notice disinterest, it might be time to change the subject or ask someone else a question.
Respect Boundaries When Hitting On Someone
There’s a time and a place for everything, and it’s generally frowned upon to hit on someone who can’t walk away. Namely baristas, waitstaff, and cashiers who are being paid to be polite.
The dating scene may be rough right now, but flirting with people while they’re just trying to do their job does nothing but put people in an uncomfortable position. That’s no way to start a relationship.
Stay Home When You’re Sick
The pandemic was only a few short years ago but staying home when you’re under the weather is an eternal rule. No one wants to catch an illness. Additionally, you never know who has a compromised immune system, or who is taking care of a small child or elderly parent.
There’s absolutely no shame in having to cancel plans if you don’t feel well. Most people will be grateful when they aren’t sick themselves in a few days.
It’s Okay to Ghost – To a Point
A bit of ghosting (suddenly ending communication without warning) can be okay to a certain extent. If it was an awkward or uncomfortable first date, feel free to find a house to haunt, Casper. But if you’ve been on several dates – opinions vary, but I personally say up to 3 – then the other person is owed an explanation.
Don’t Comment on Others’ Food Choices
Unless the comment is about how delicious their meal looks, there’s no need to say anything about someone else’s food choices. Whether it’s portion size or healthiness, it’s their business, not yours.
Wait to Eat Together
Restaurant etiquette usually dictates waiting until everyone is seated and served before digging in. There’s no bigger reminder of your own hunger than watching other people eat. By waiting just a few minutes, you can spare your friends that discomfort.
Hold the Door Open
Regardless of gender, it’s common courtesy for whoever reaches a door first to hold it open for the next person. It’s a simple task, but a polite and universally appreciated one. No matter if it’s an elevator door or a restaurant door, holding a door for the person behind you is just simple, basic kindness.
Steer Away from Sensitive Topics with New People
Unless there’s an already established relationship and it’s clear you’re both comfortable dealing with uncomfortable topics, stay away from sensitive issues. It can make people uncomfortable, especially if they’re going through a difficult time, to talk about finances, health issues, religion, or politics with a stranger.
Cover Your Cough
This basic rule of hygiene is a common courtesy, especially during flu and cold seasons. If you need to cough or sneeze, use your elbow or a tissue to cover your mouth and nose. This helps prevent the spread of germs and keeps those around you healthier.
Respect Dietary Restrictions
When hosting gatherings, be mindful of dietary restrictions or allergies that others may have. Asking about guests’ potential dietary restrictions, and offering a variety of food options, including vegetarian, vegan, gluten-free, or dairy-free choices, demonstrates consideration for all your guests and ensures everyone can enjoy the meal without worry.
Don’t Take Up Extra Seats on Public Transit
Placing a bag on an empty seat is fine while the bus isn’t full, but once it begins to get crowded, it’s rude to take up more than one seat. Remember, it’s a public space and it belongs to everyone. Be mindful of others and place the bag on your lap if there’s a person that needs it.
Wait for Elevator Exits
When you’re waiting for an elevator, allow those inside to exit before attempting to board. It makes sense, right – there’s no space to enter if there are still others inside! This simple act of courtesy prevents any awkward collisions. The same rule applies to subway cars and any other small confined space.
Say ‘Please’ and ‘Thank You’
Never underestimate the power of these two small phrases. Just because it’s old-fashioned doesn’t mean that it’s wrong. Saying “Please” when making requests and “Thank you” when others do something for you is something that everyone should always remember to do. These simple yet powerful words go a long way in demonstrating politeness and gratitude (and in being perceived as a kind and polite person!).
The 58 little etiquette rules we’ve explored here aren’t meant to stifle individuality or make you feel like you’re walking on eggshells. Rather, they are all about making the world a more pleasant place for everyone. They might seem small, but they can go a long way in building respect and courtesy in all our relationships.
What we consider to be proper etiquette has certainly evolved over the years. For example, in the 1940s, did you know that it was considered rude to separate salt and pepper shakers? If someone asked for one, you’d have to hand them both so they wouldn’t be apart for even a second. Or that when a man escorted a woman in medieval times, he was supposed to always walk to her left so if danger arose, his sword arm would be free so he could defend her? Hopefully, the little rules we included in our list are more practical and kindness-based than these dated rules.
Etiquette doesn’t have to be rocket science. At the end of the day, it’s about making sure everyone feels respected, included, and valued. Generally, speaking, these little etiquette rules are all simple, free, and not at all time-consuming. It takes a small effort but makes a big difference to treat others with kindness and respect. You can never go wrong when you abide by the golden rule – treat others how you would want to be treated.
So, keep these little rules in mind and be the considerate, kind-hearted person the world needs more of.
